[3:27pm] i know taking days where you do nothing is perfectly fine but i didnt even realize until now it was almost 3:30. i didnt even do anything except watch stupid ass vanoss compilations for escapism purposes and occasionally look at chicago related stuff. by the way i think i've decided to move out in the next few months because as much as i do like my best friend, being around her kind of hurts.
i miss my friends. i know they're there anytime i wanna talk but im afraid they just dont want to talk to me. why must the insecure people be into me? am i literally that nice to people to where they flock to me? i feel selfish to say this but i wish that a lot of the more well-minded people talked to me more. i know i gotta go to them first in order to get them but i get scared. i really should look into therapy again but with me planning this shit for the next few months or so i dont think it would be a wise idea to do so.
[8:33pm] told sean the news, and it's official. giving myself a few months or more to prepare for my move to chicago but we're both in pretty bad spots right now. she's gonna look for replacement guitarists/bassists for her band during that time and quite frankly wish her the best with her band. i still wanna be involved with it some way or another but i don't think that will possibly happen. on my end, i just hope that whoever i decide to come live with is a nice enough person and won't completely fuck me over in terms of rent, utilities, and amongst other things. in general i hope i manage to make a living in chicago. i've always wanted to live there as it's a big hotspot for a lot of the music i listen to and a lot of bands seem to flock toward the area for live music. didn't hear any music for today and was gonna watch a movie with sean but ended up watching an episode of the venture bros before having us do our own thing. it's gonna be hard for the both of us but i really do hope sean the best in terms of her career and overall life.